2. When buying a house research the history and previous owners of the house very thoroughly and very carefully.
3. Never preform the act that will summon the monster(s) even as a joke.
4. Never read a book of Latin (or other language) aloud if you don’t know what it means, even as a joke. Don't mumble to yourself, either - if you can't read silently, you have no business looking at it at all.
5. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably that way for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
8. If you find an object that it the monster’s one weakness, DO NOT lose it! (Example: the cat in The Mummy)
9. When you're searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the lights on!
10. Never back out of one room into another without looking. It's always behind you. Clear the room properly before entering it. Scan for threats while your friend watches your back.
11. If you turn down a dirt/gravel road and the place looks like it came out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre TURN AROUND and go back to where you came from. Don’t even play that.
12. Always make sure that your car has a fresh battery and a full tank of gas so it will start immediately in times of crisis.
13. Always keep a gallon of gas in the trunk of your car.
14. Maintain a regular car maintenance schedule.
15. Never say that you'll be right back, because you won't.
16. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, crypt, tomb, mausoleum, or any other house of the dead.
17. If anything other than water (i.e., blood or thick goo of any color) comes out of a faucet, do not call a plumber. Leave the house immediately. Then burn it to the ground.
18. If, while looking in a mirror, you see a figure behind you that you don't see upon turning around, a room different from the one you are in, or a figure other than yourself looking back, or your reflection tells you to get out before it is too late, proceed to get the hell out and burn the house to the ground.
19. If you open a door and the room you see is not the room that should be there, do not explore it. In fact, even if you close the door and see the correct room after re-opening it vacate the house and burn it down.
20. Never unlock the doors and look outside.
21. Make sure you get up early enough so you can kill the vampires during the day.
22. When approaching a room with a door that hasn't been opened in decades and the knob begins to slowly turn back and forth on its own, back away! Do NOT ask loudly, "Who's there?"
23. Always stay together
24. If appliances start operating by themselves, MOVE OUT.
25. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. Nothing is worth it.
26. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them.
27. If your car runs out of gas at night, DO NOT go to the nearest deserted-looking house to phone for help.
28. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
29. Never pick up a hitchhiker. Ever.
30. Always wear shoes you can run away in.
31. Also, if you've just pushed the monster/psychopath/axe murderer in the lake from your boat dock or a bridge, don't lean over to see if he's gone. Get the hell out of there.
32. When confronted by zombies remember: “Shoot ‘em in the head and they stay dead.”
33. Lock your damn doors, make sure the gas tank is full, and if you hit something that was weird looking, make the cops go look and see what it was.
34. If you are in your car trying to escape and the killer/monster is in front of you hit them with your car, repeatedly. Then drive away. Never check to see if it’s dead.
35. If the creepy witch/crazy lady of the town tries to give you some advice, TAKE IT! For some reason she always seems to know what she is talking about during her brief moments of lucidity.
36. Avoid going to isolated locations without back-up, weapons, phones, backup phones, backup batteries, supplies, backups for the supplies, and strict orders that if you’re not heard from by a certain time to burn the place to the ground.
37. Unless you are in the company of Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and their talking dog, the creature/ghost coming at you is most likely REAL.
38. If you see some strange, gelatinous, slimy, pulsating thing in your house, don't mutter "What the hell?" to yourself and reach for it. Very carefully exit the house and burn it down.
39. If some guy comes to your door who looks exactly like an ancestor of yours who "died" 200 years before, claiming to be a cousin from England, SHUT THE DOOR and ward the house.
40. Always check the back seat of your car.
41. The first time that you are absolutely sure that the monster/killer is dead or the Hell Gate is finally closed forever, you are in the most danger. Don't relax.
42. Objects moving in a mysterious fashion should be considered a very bad sign.
43. If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and any exotic person (old wizened oriental, gypsy, Indian medicine man) warns you to do/not do something, do not do just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.
44. Anniversary nights of executions, horrible murders, or terrifying rituals should be viewed with fear. Especially on the spot where the event took place. Most especially on even century anniversaries. And certainly if you or a friend is somehow descended from one of the original participants.
45. If your friend turns into a demon and then suddenly turns back to normal, kill him because he is not normal.
46. After you kill the maniac, don't stand anywhere near the body and don't drop the gun, knife or other instrument of death because (1) he is not dead and (2) you will needing the instrument of death again.
47. Kill the person in the group who suggests that you split up. That will eventually get you killed.
48. Never make fun of the local yokel's stories about a monster in backwoods towns--you can bet they are real and you might get them angry.
49. If someone in your group is too scared to shoot when the monster is bearing down on you, grab the gun and shoot the monster yourself, or use your weapon to kill both the monster and your friend, especially if there are more monsters around. Your friend was dead weight.
50. Nothing is ever over if it is still nighttime.
51. If it seems as though you have just woken up from a horrible nightmare, chances are you are still in grave danger.
52. Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They usually know more than you do.
53. When fleeing some peril do not keep turning around to see how close it is behind you. This slows you down and increases your chances of getting caught by said peril.
54. Never run to the top floor of any building if you are being chased by something. Your only way out will be to jump.
55. If you're ever lost in the woods filming a documentary, don't stop and collect little stick figures.
56. If your children or pets speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.
57. Don't make fun of or play with dead things.
58. If you see a town that looks deserted except for children, do not try to "help" them - they will eat you.
59. Don't open the closed door, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or the voice of a dear relative whom you THOUGHT was dead.
60. Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.
61. If the phone lines are dead, and you hear footsteps upstairs, and you say "Tom, Tom is that you?" and Tom does not answer, run away. Don’t investigate.
62. Never bring anything back from the dead.
63. Never accept a job as a camp counselor.
64. Never turn off the radio or TV when an emergency news bulletin is on.
65. If someone tells you "Wait right here," DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
66. Never assume that everything is going to be all right. It won't be.
67. Never go for a walk by yourself, especially in the wilderness unarmed.
68. Never disturb the dead and/or burial sites.
69. Treat cemeteries/Indian burial sites with proper reverence and respect.
70. Always were something made from silver.
71. Bomb Raccoon City.
72. Always carry a weapon.
73. Shoot first ask questions later.
74. When you shoot the monster/killer empty the clip. Better to be safe than sorry.
75. If you have a bad feeling about something don’t ignore it.
76. If you think you're over prepared or over exaggerating the danger. You're not.
77. Establish a "Crisis Buddy" or "SHTF** Buddy" with someone you can trust not to be an idiot in times of crisis.
78. It's probably a good idea to have garlic, holy water, etc on hand.
*This is not an exhaustive list. Feel free to add suggestions in the comments section.
** Shit Hit The Fan
